


to prove it so

by retts



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin cries again, Angst, Fluff, Force Ghosts, M/M, Obikin Week 2017, Regret, Second Chance, Tenderness, That's Not How The Force Works, Touching, but not time travel, force afterlife, timey whimey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 03:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11546433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retts/pseuds/retts
Summary: ‘Then it was real, my Padawan.’Anakin shudders. He hasn’t heard Obi-Wan call him that in decades. It is beyond his comprehension that he could be here, held close as if he is still precious to the one he callously threw away to call another asMaster.‘How?’ asks Anakin, persistent.‘You’d have to ask Master Yoda for specifics, but I believe there is this thing called the Force that guides each and every one of us – ’Anakin laughs for the first time in so long; it hurts and fills him up with a strange mix of joy and despair.





	to prove it so

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't know about Obikin Week until now and had to combine the first two days but to me, regret and second chances go hand in hand together for my Obikin headcanons. 
> 
> I also didn't know I was writing this to _Light_ by Sleeping At Last until it suddenly started playing as I wrote the last few lines and just immediately clicked. It's so Obikin it hurts.
> 
> Full disclaimer: I'm not a fan of Star Wars at all but I love these characters so much. I hope I'm not bumbling about too much that I make a fool of myself.
> 
> Edited 19/08/2017 but nothing too drastic to alter the story.

 

 

Death feels like taking his first breath in decades.

It’s also dark.

Quiet. 

Alone.

Perhaps the Force has finally forsaken him. After all, what is a moment’s goodness compared to nearly a lifetime of evil? But there had been hope for him at the end, when his Masters had come, and Obi-Wan had given him a smile of – of –

Anakin doesn’t know. It’s been forever since he can think of his Master without suffocating in rage and hate, and even longer to remember what he once was like without emotions clouding him. Where is Obi-Wan’s ghost now? Probably in the afterlife he deserves, laughing at his foolish old Padawan. 

This nothingness, Anakin deserves. Strange, how even in death, hope still hurts. 

Foolish, indeed.

 

 

 

Then, footsteps.

Then, the Force.

Then, an achingly familiar presence.

A door opens and light rushes into the dark, and Anakin lifts his head to squint against it.

‘Anakin, what are you doing in there?’

The starburst softens into something gentler, like Obi-Wan’s young, bare face peering curiously down at him. 

Anakin gasps. ‘Master, you’re back!’ He flings himself into Obi-Wan’s arms. Anakin senses the sudden stillness in the Force, echoed in Obi-Wan’s body, and a strange fear flows through him. Oh, the old man still _hates_ him, a voice whispers in the back of his mind, full of dark fire and glowing eyes, and Anakin thinks he’ll be swallowed by this ancient dragon –

And then Obi-Wan pulls him into his embrace, sighing into Anakin’s hair. ‘Hello, Anakin. I’m home.’ 

With a shudder, the dragon crumbles to ash and Anakin grins up at Obi-Wan, surprised and pleased by the words. Nearly two years as Obi-Wan’s Padawan and it still seems as if Obi-Wan doesn't want him at all.

Anakin wants to keep this closeness and so he holds on, merely pulling back enough that he can look up at his Master’s face. ‘How did the mission go, Master?’ he asks, voice high and sweet. The sound of it seems funny to him, all of a sudden, just like the way Obi-Wan looks so _young_.

‘It went very well, Anakin. Should I expect the same for your studies while I was away?’ 

‘Of course! I was a model Padawan. I think Master Windu is in shock.’ 

Obi-Wan places a hand on top of his head. It doesn’t feel heavy but Anakin can feel it all the way down to his toes. ‘Hm, that only worries me, Padawan.’

Anakin is smiling so hard that it hurts. His Master has never allowed such contact before he left for his mission in the Outer Rim nor been so openly kind, but Anakin isn’t going to complain.

‘Don’t worry, Master,’ he says proudly, thumping his chest, ‘I really was good. I passed all my exams and defeated everyone in saber training.’ 

‘Is that so?’

‘Yes! Master Drallig said I was one of the most talented trainees he’d ever seen!’ 

Such boasts would usually earn him a disappointed look and a lecture on humility (even though, really, Anakin is better than his peers) but Obi-Wan merely gives a soft chuckle, hugs him once more, and then gently releases him. Anakin is delighted and confused and wants to cling some more but minds himself. His Master is acting strangely. He can feel the affection flowing through their training bond. It is so close to attachment that it makes Anakin pause. Obi-Wan has repeatedly told him that attachments are forbidden and now _this_. Perhaps the mission had gone horribly wrong and his Master is gravely ill. 

Anakin grabs Obi-Wan’s hand and tries to sense anything wrong with him using the Force. ‘Master,’ he says slowly, ‘are you sure you’re alright?’ He waves a hand and frowns. ‘You’re being weird.’

Obi-Wan smiles down at him and squeezes his hand. ‘I’m fine, Anakin. I’m just glad to see you.’

He’s not stupid enough to believe that Obi-Wan never lies but the fond look on his face seems real enough (oh, Anakin wants it to be real). His fears shrink even more in the back of his mind. 

‘Alright, Master, but I think a trip to the Healers’ Room should be our first stop today.’ 

‘What’s the second?’

‘To look for my Kyber crystal?’ 

This time, Obi-Wan laughs. It’s a rare sound and Anakin bounces on his toes in glee.

‘I don’t mind seeing a Healer, my dear one, but it will be some time yet before you’re ready for the Gathering.’

Anakin grins winsomely. ‘I had to try, Master.’

‘Do or do not, there is no try,’ quotes Obi-Wan in a thoughtful, croaky voice.

Anakin laughs and the Force thrums with his happiness.

 

 

 

Anakin could not remember a more perfect day than this. 

His Master briefly meets with the Council and afterwards informs Anakin that they will spend the day together to catch up on his progress. It involves a short detour with the Healers who say there is nothing wrong with Obi-Wan (and Anakin secretly breathes a sigh of relief because what if everything that has happened so far is the result of a brain injury?) and they have lunch in the gardens where Anakin regales Obi-Wan with his impressive achievements in the past week. His Master is not a silent listener throughout and comments on this (Anakin’s supposedly superb footwork) and that (Anakin’s sudden meditation prowess) with his familiar dry wit and sarcasm but lacks the usual sternness that prickles at Anakin’s pride.

They laugh and talk the day away. Other Masters and younglings look at them with fond exasperation and curiosity (Master Windu passes by five times with an eyebrow pitched higher and higher) but Obi-Wan only crooks a small smile at all of them.

They go for a swim in one of the many pools, something that rarely happens because Anakin doesn't trust anyone else besides his Master to keep him safe should he stray from the shallow parts. He dearly loves to swim but a childhood in a desert planet had instilled in him the inability to be fully comfortable wading in water despite the skills he’d painstakingly learned to try and overcome it. Anakin is sure that it’s Obi-Wan’s doing when he gets splashed in the face a few times but Obi-Wan only tells him _it’s the nearby waterfall, Anakin, really, would your respectable Master ever do such a thing?_ and try as he might, Anakin can’t prove otherwise.

Once they are dry and warm, Obi-Wan lures him into meditation with gentle smiles and even gentler words and, for once, Anakin doesn’t mind sitting still and letting his breathing out of his body so he can bring the Force in. It doesn’t rush through him like it usually does, a raging river, but flows as smoothly and peacefully as it does for his Master. Anakin can feel the presence of many younglings around them and he wishes they are all happy and be chosen by Masters as good as his. 

The smile Obi-Wan has for him once Anakin wakes from his trance is as beautiful as the Force singing in his heart.

 

 

 

All perfect days must come to an end and Anakin fervently prays it will come back tomorrow as he readies himself for bed. He can hear Obi-Wan in the next room doing the same; quiet footfalls and murmurs that he hadn’t known he’d missed until the silence is suddenly not quite as lonely anymore. Anakin tugs the blanket up to his chin and falls asleep to the memory of this day.

But peace doesn’t follow him there. He sees fire behind his closed eyes, and blood, and tears, and love sundered, and his mother’s gravestone, and hears screams of children that sound just like his. Anakin tries to wake but he cannot. He suffocates in a dark mask, feels pain beyond his imaginings. _No_ , he roars, thrashing from one nightmare to another, _no, no, no, I am – I did not – Mother – Padmé – Master – Master – **Obi-Wan!**_

‘Anakin,’ a voice sings to him, soft and worn, ‘dear one. Quiet, now. Hush.’ 

A hand, steady and firm, wipes across his brow and the tears streaming his cheeks.

‘Master?’ calls Anakin, childlike and lost. He is afraid to open his eyes.

‘Yes, I’m here.’ Arms, warm and safe, close around him. ‘I’m here, Anakin.’ 

Anakin burrows into the embrace, crying, it seems, a thousand tears for a thousand different regrets, and Obi-Wan holds him through them all.

 

 

 

If he is quiet and small enough, maybe he won’t have to open his eyes. He can stay here where it’s good and smells like his Master.

Obi-Wan gently tugs on a lock of hair. ‘Anakin,’ he says, ‘don’t you think it’s time to wake up?’ and shatters that hope.

Anakin sighs and turns around, doing his best not to jostle the arms encircling him, and looks at Obi-Wan’s face. He strokes the beard prickling Obi-Wan’s jaw, then the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. Still younger than the last time Anakin saw him, this is the Master that haunted Anakin until his last dying moment in Luke’s arms. Anakin can still breathe easily, so he isn’t Lord Vader, but he can feel the darkness slithering away in the depths of his heart. However, there is light in him as well and whoever said that achieving Balance is a piece of cake should be shot. 

Obi-Wan hums as he traces the scar on Anakin’s face. ‘There you are, Anakin.’

‘This isn’t the afterlife, is it?’ asks Anakin, tone flat. He looks around them, at the Temple room he’d once forgot. There are droid parts and tools on every available surface, and Anakin kicks a small wrench off the bed.

Obi-Wan huffs a laugh and waves a hand above their heads. ‘No, dear one.’

‘Then what is this?’

‘You could call it a reprieve.’

‘Master, I don’t understand.’ 

‘It’s the way of the Force, young one.’

‘I’m not young anymore.’

‘I suppose not, with eyes like these.’ 

Anakin’s hand flies up to press against his eyes. ‘Are they - ?’ 

‘A perfect shade of blue? Yes, you vain creature.’

‘How?’

‘And this one,’ says Obi-Wan, touching the skin below Anakin’s other eye, ‘belongs to the Sith.’

Anakin ducks his head, shame making his face hot. ‘How can you stand me?’

‘With practice, Anakin.’

‘This isn’t the time for your glib comments!’ Anakin snaps, frustrated. 

Obi-Wan runs a soothing hand through his hair. Hair! Anakin reaches up to twine his fingers through them. He breathes deeply and holds it in his lungs. In between the long curls falling over his face, Anakin can see his flesh hand, and he brings his other hand up, black and glowing.  Anakin stretches inside the circle of Obi-Wan’s arms, revelling in the pop of his spine and the shift of muscles. He knows this body, intimately. It is the body of Anakin Skywalker, walking on tightrope, doomed to fall. 

Anakin drops his head on Obi-Wan’s chest. ‘Was it all a dream?’

‘You have to be more specific, my dear.’

‘I remember dying. I remember my son.’ He sighs wistfully, wishing he’d been able to feel Luke this way. ‘But then I woke up here, in the Temple.’ Anakin’s brow furrows. ‘I was eleven years old again, Master!’

‘It could have been a dream,’ says Obi-Wan, ‘but who says it couldn’t have been real as well?’ He curls his fingers under Anakin’s chin, tipping it up until their eyes meet. Obi-Wan doesn’t flinch but softens, and Anakin’s heart beats covetously for more. 

Smiling, Anakin hesitantly places his hands on Obi-Wan’s chest, expecting to be shoved away, but Obi-Wan merely sighs and shifts closer. ‘I didn’t miss this vagueness of yours, Master - ’ oh, he _had_  ‘ - it felt real to me. I remember it, as if it had really happened in my past.’

‘Then it was real, my Padawan.’

Anakin shudders. He hasn’t heard Obi-Wan call him that in decades. It is beyond his comprehension that he could be here, held close as if he is still precious to the one he callously threw away to call another as  _Master_. 

‘How?’ asks Anakin, persistent. 

‘You’d have to ask Master Yoda for specifics, but I believe there is this thing called the Force that guides each and every one of us – ’

Anakin laughs for the first time in so long; it hurts and fills him up with a strange mix of joy and despair. He wheezes, unable to contain it, and gently slaps Obi-Wan on the arm. ‘Obi-Wan, please be serious.’

‘When have _you_ ever been serious, Anakin?’ They both know the answer to that. Still, Obi-Wan’s eyes twinkle down at him, so uncommon in the old days during the war, and even before that, when Obi-Wan had maintained his distance as he trained Anakin. ‘Do you truly not know the answer?’

Anakin lets his fingers drift into the open collars of Obi-Wan’s robes, skittishly running them along the triangle of skin exposed. He does know. ‘I was – afraid,’ he says haltingly, voice soft. ‘I knew death would not be kind to someone like me. Still a coward, huh? I ran away to a place I was the closest to being happy.’ 

‘As my Padawan,’ says Obi-Wan, just as quiet. ‘Why not to your mother, Anakin? Or Padmé?’ 

Pain stabs at him at their names. He grabs hold of Obi-Wan’s shoulder and looks into his eyes, mournful. ‘I was never happy on Tatooine. It was there where I first learned how a life could ever be so of little value, and I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t remember my mother as well as I’d like. There were soft touches and lullabies at night, soothing words when I was hurt, but I’ve grown so far away from those days that my memory fails. As for Padmé – ’ Anakin swallows roughly, tears falling from his eyes. ‘She was peace and now my penitence. The one I loved and wronged so cruelly; I ended her beauty and goodness. I was never truly happy with her because I always wanted more, more, more. Everything. I was blinded by greed.’

‘And you,’ he whispers, clutching tight, ‘we were brothers in arms during the war. We forged a bond that refused to be denied. From my brightest memory to my darkest moment, you were there, Obi-Wan, the one constant in a damned world.’

‘I saw how you looked at the younglings,’ says Obi-Wan, tracing Anakin’s angry brows with his thumb. The touch burns.

Anakin moans. ‘I regret them the most!’

‘In this, we are the same,’ confesses Obi-Wan, his own tears slipping free. He looks heartbroken and Anakin weeps into his chest. ‘I could not protect them. I could not protect _you_.’ 

‘I don’t deserve protection. I don’t deserve _this_. Master!’ Anakin knows he shouldn't and yet he still seeks comfort as he shakes apart with such grief and pain that it threatens to undo him until even the Force will not be able to put him back together.

Soft lips touch the top of his head. ‘Oh, Anakin. Let it out, let it out. Give it back to the Force.’

Anakin doesn’t know if he can anymore. He’s always grabbed at his emotions and kept them deep within himself even as they slowly turned to poison.

‘Imagine my surprise when I found you here, of all places,’ Obi-Wan tells him, his gentle laughter ruffling the curls sticking to Anakin’s wet cheeks. His voice is soothing, calm. ‘You were once again the boy I raised, so precious to me that I could barely think of you during my long years of exile. To remember you as you were would only remind me of my failures as your Master, of lost smiles and our broken bond. Hush, now, don’t argue. Didn’t you wonder why I let you have this day, Anakin? I saw how hungry you were for affection, for a kind word from me. I admit, there was a time when I’d been jealous of you because my own Master favoured you over me despite how much effort I put in to being the perfect Padawan, but soon I grew fond of you for your own merits.’

Anakin quietens, his sobs turning into hiccups and raspy breaths. He listens.

‘And today was for me, as well. When they gave you to me, I had decided I would become the Master I thought you needed: distant, impeccable, thoughtful but cold. It was my mistake: even as we eventually grew closer, I still denied to myself the attachment we forged. In turn, I became someone who you felt you couldn’t trust and therefore turned to others for guidance.’

‘Obi-Wan, no, it was all my fault – ’

Humour seeps back into Obi-Wan’s eyes. ‘Come, now, Anakin, I know you enjoy being dramatic and hoarding the limelight but so many of us were at fault.’

Anakin huffs. He wipes at his face and settles back onto the bed, still held loosely in Obi-Wan’s arms. ‘Is this supposed to bring me peace, Master?’

‘Is it working?’

‘No.’

‘Then it’s not meant to.’

‘Ugh, I hate you sometimes.’

Obi-Wan smiles sadly at him. ‘And I’ve always loved you, even after you turned to the Dark Side. Even after you took innocent lives. In my darkest hours, I sometimes wondered why I could not let go of you, Anakin Skywalker. Who is the real monster: the man who murders or the one who still loves him despite it all?’ 

Heart in his throat, he reaches out with his flesh hand and touches Obi-Wan’s cheek, watching as his fair eyelashes fluttered shut. ‘Even when my hate for you burned in my blood and I swore to the stars I'd kill you, I knew deep inside that I couldn't fathom a world without you. When you finally died, the last piece of me died as well. I think I was always calling out for you, Obi-Wan, but I never thought you’d hear me.’

They fall silent, letting their emotions flow, feeling each other through the Force and with their hands.

‘You keep touching me,’ says Anakin.

The fingers go on tracing circles on his skin. ‘Does it bother you?’

Anakin bites his lip. ‘No, but – I killed you. I killed all of you.’

‘Not all,’ says Obi-Wan. ‘Luke and Leia are spared but yes, you did kill a fair few people.’

‘So why touch me at all? How can you stand to be even near me?’ asks Anakin, fists tugging the robes of his Master.

Obi-Wan looks him in the eye, face serene. ‘Because it’s been a long, long, long time since I’ve touched anybody.’ He pauses, then curls a hand over Anakin’s cheek. ‘And it’s _you_ , Anakin.’

Anakin breathes through the joy blossoming within him, cautious and achingly sweet and wobbling on its newborn legs. ‘I wanted this from you,’ he confesses, reaching up to hold Obi-Wan’s face in his hands. There are echoes of old desperation in his voice. ‘I yearned for this, but I was afraid you would reject me. So, so afraid.’

‘I would have,’ says Obi-Wan, honest and sad.

Torment lances through Anakin’s heart. ‘I know.’

‘You were so young, Anakin, and you were my charge. We were both Jedi and the Code was clear.’ Obi-Wan gathers him closer and presses their cheeks together. Anakin closes his eyes, trembling. ‘But if things had been different, if we had just met, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, then - ’ 

Anakin whispers, ‘Can we still have this in the afterlife? Can _I_ still have this, Obi-Wan?’ _You?_ he does not dare say out loud.

‘Our fates are intertwined,’ Obi-Wan tells him, ‘because I’m here; I answered your call when you were dying. I’ve never felt the Force mourn and rejoice at the same time. It was calling you home.’ 

Sighing, Anakin tucks his face into the curve of Obi-Wan’s neck. ‘And you will lead me there, my own Force ghost.’

‘Yes. Believe me, I was surprised to find myself as one.’

‘I can’t even imagine it, peace for a monster like me.’ 

‘You weren’t, once. Not all of you. And, perhaps, one day you will be called upon when there is need of your aid, a chance to atone for your crimes.’

Anakin smiles, crooked. ‘Will it be selfish of me if I run away when it happens?’

‘Very selfish, yes,’ laughs Obi-Wan, ‘but I’ll drag you by the ear,’ and nips him lightly on the said ear.

Anakin lets out a yawn, suddenly more tired than he’s ever been.

Obi-Wan smiles tenderly down at him, then leans close to press their lips in the briefest, sweetest kiss. ‘Shall we rest?’ he asks.

Anakin stares into Obi-Wan’s eyes and feels one last burst of fear that he will be alone again when he next wakes up. Tender understanding glows in Obi-Wan's gaze as he touches Anakin's cheek with his fingertips and draws the anxiety out of him. Anakin doesn’t deserve this and it only makes him more aware of how lucky he is. There is only peace between them now. 

‘Yes, Master.’ 

The Force opens around them and Anakin is swept away, his past released, moment by moment, into the ether until he becomes stardust, _they_ are stardust, and everything is quiet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is so, so greatly appreciated: kudos, bookmarks, comments, ANYTHING! <3
> 
> come and give me prompts over at clarespace.tumblr.com


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